Following on from an outing with the Ice Warrior, the Thirteenth Doctor Adventures might’ve finally hit its stride. Up until this point, early teething issues and unfocused storylines had led towards some mixed feelings about the series and its direction. However, with an unequivocally fun story under its belt, all things were looking good for some hijacking hijinks… or at least I thought it was. To hit such a low after an incredible high is the damndest of things, and I think it’s only right that we explore exactly what went wrong!

Involving space trains, ruthless hijackers, and a returned involvement for The Tourist, The Greatest Train Robbery sees The Doctor and Yaz navigate countless dangers to save the life of an exploited child. It’s bread and butter modern Who – fast action and moral messaging. However, from the moment the titular TARDIS duo set foot aboard the Maelin System Express, things become unexpectedly stilted.

The Greatest Train Robbery is a very insular story, and that is where the bulk of its problems lie. What the writer seems to want to focus on is a moral conflict surrounding the Maelin anomaly, who just so happens to take the form of a young girl. So far so good. There are definitely plenty of interesting and thought-provoking themes that can be stoked from an issue like this, and for a while at least, the adventure does trick you into believing that it has something important to say. Unfortunately, it never does. For the most part, the story spends its time confused, filp-flopping between the potential thematic avenues it could explore whilst never actually committing to any of them.

The resulting thematic mess ultimately causes a bit of a ripple effect, and its problems bleed through to everything else the story has to offer as well. On the action front, the best we ever get are hints to a wider, more interesting conflict. Every so often we’re given directions about an ongoing starfighter battle outside and the potential for itchy trigger fingers between the rebels and guards inside, but they never amount to anything. The story spends too much of its time wading through seemingly pointless dialogue-heavy scenes, which knocks the wind out of any impact these moments could’ve had. The same issue can also be found affecting the central side characters. Beyond the sparse line of interest between The Doctor and Yaz, every other character comes across as one-dimensional. They don’t have any time or agency in the events and end up just doing as the script demands, which is not very good news to hear when two of the side characters are central to the main conflict.